The Last Priest

Of course I remember a time when living in a society of monastic celibates was a very positive experience. I felt that most people were looking for self realization and struggled to transmute their sexual desires in order to put more energy into their meditation and contemplative efforts. Of course there were some that were probably escaping their frustrated sexual desires and emotional issues but the majority were sincere in their intentions. It worked, but with some discipline. Living in such an environment gave me a lot of energy. I slept very little, meditated and worked a lot as well. Sometimes our afternoon volleyball games were intense but I think such healthy collective activities helped lower tensions. I think few people could just make such a vow on their own without the help of a community. If somebody broke their vows they were sent back to the training center to meditate for some time. Once they were ready for monasticism again they were given the clothes of a junior monastic. They had to start over. 

I recall how I once saw a few older men who had on the uniforms of the young brahmacarii. I asked an older monk that I confided in as to why these old guys were junior monks. Did they get a late start, I asked? The monk laughed and said that the system of A.M. really works and there were no cover-ups. People simply got sent back to the training center. For the most part I think these people were treated well because everybody truly knew how difficult their path is. To preserve this joyful life-style it was necessary to preserve it with strict yet compassionate discipline. Scandalous cover-ups would have undermined the whole spirit of the culture of spiritual celibacy. If somebody really could not handle the pressures of celibacy, then they were encouraged to live a family life. Actually, it seemed to me like the most advanced yogis in that society were married people. From the monastic point of view family life was frequently considered something lesser, for the ones not strong enough for celibacy. Yet when things fell apart it was non monastics who had more sincere life-styles.

Their society fell apart through an internal civil war. The leader of the rebellious band of monastics was the infamous Shamitananda, the one whom I wrote about that got obsessed with a nun and tried to murder her. He remained in charge of this dark revolution against the principal order and very few questioned him. He was like a king.  Well, they had their own scandals and so they all decided to bandy together in a coalition in which nobody could tell on anybody else. Were they mature and spiritual free-lovers free from the shackles of institution? Hardly so. They were miserable and depressed in their duplicity and roamed around like stray dogs trying to hump everything that moved. They left a trail of harm everywhere they went and were no longer welcomed with families who found out about them.  They really convinced me of the argument for the need of a firm and honest community. They became what is now known as The Path Of Bliss in North America. It is really the path of B.S. Whenever I get invitations to connect with them I think of this quote of Diderot:

 
"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest."

On the other side of the rebellion remained the conservatives. The sincere ones were grandfatherly figures. They were people who could be trusted because they were congruent and their demeanor was very peaceful. Yet they gradually started becoming ill and dying off. There was no longer any inspiration in their society. All of the sincere people, both lay and monastic, had left out of shame of being connected to such a scandalous society. I had so many friends that were just too ashamed to be associated with all of the scandals with the monastics. They did not want to raise their children in association with such people. One friend told me that he was born into Catholic society, later found liberation from it but yet ended back into it again through A.M. This hurt the grandfathers. They were the responsible ones holding it all together. It made them sick. I also felt really sick when I was around those monks. It was the saddest sight to see them so desperate.

All of this talk nowadays about sexual inclusion makes me think where celibates would be classified. I think that in open, mundane society a "celibate" is completely misunderstood be just another form of dysfunctional sexuality. In a materialistic, dysfunctional, self indulgent society it really is nearly impossible for people to have a healthy and well adapted sexual expression. Celibates are seen as people that are just trying to give it up because it has caused so much suffering. Through so many failed efforts and unfruitful relationships in love, the emotional pain is too much and they just try and escape it, yet there remains a repressed fire smoldering with toxic fumes. Celibates are just like the rest of repressed people with an internal bomb just waiting for the moment to take the sexual energy into some other warped form and some other confusion.

Sexuality develops as a healthy expression through the self-confidence. Those who have little confidence and self knowledge are confused, repressed or overly compulsive. Who really understands what sex is all about? What is one looking for, essentially? Or is one hiding from oneself, using some desire as an escape and desperate attempt at pleasure when life is too empty? People speak of sexual liberation. Who could possibly be liberated by following a blind impulse from an unconscious space?

When one has more internal space there is more energy for desires to grow and transform into something useful. One must work with both thought and feeling to liberate blind desires. Higher cognitions foster subtler emotions and subtler emotions foster higher cognition. This requires not just spiritual practice but a different social life-style. For the yogi mind all desires are food for the spirit. Any dense energy can be taken within and transformed into golden light. It is possible as meditation is simply following nature´s more subtle, internal processes. The mind has an internal order that can put all other things in order. If life is a chaos, then one´s mind is chaos. If life becomes harmonious it is only because one´s thoughts are harmonious. Perhaps one cannot consider celibacy or the life of a yogi, but the more the mind is nurtured through meditation and spiritual culture it is certain that sexuality will express itself more sanely.