“Shock brings success. Shock comes-oh, no! Then laughing words -ha, ha! The shock terrifies for a hundred miles and he does not let fall the sacrificial spoon and chalice. The shock that comes from the manifestation of God within the depths of the earth makes us afraid, but this fear of God is good, for joy and merriment can follow upon it. When one has learned within his heart what fear and trembling mean, one is safeguarded against any terror produced by outside influences. Let the thunder roll and spread terror a hundred miles around: one remains so composed and reverent in spirit that the sacrificial rite is not interrupted. This is the spirit that must animate leaders and rulers- a profound inner seriousness from which all terrors glance off harmlessly.”
- The I-Ching, hexagram 51 - The Arousing
When I was alone in the desert I faced the greatest horrors with the Santa Muerte surrounding me, yet I never had any fear. It was so extremely terrible that the only explanation I could have for my survival was that it was all a divine drama, the Cosmic Absurd. Each time the situation became overwhelming and I was but at the edge of fear Tao would come to me through Its sound of Generation, Operation, and Destruction: the gentle and sweet Om that overpowered the bazookas and AK 47s, the screams and tortures. I asked why me, why others must die while I am spoiled with grace? I tried to curse Tao (“El Cabron Divino”, The Cosmic Jerk) but the reason of eternal law of action and reaction was revealed to me. The terrors of this world are not the fault of the maker but the results of poor human choices. Freedom is as terrible as it is sublime. With it we are free to create heaven or descend into hell and this world may contain both simultaneously. Creation is innocent and pure and always furthers us toward the good, toward expansion and light. It is we who break the circle of love given to us and it is we who must pay the price when this circle is broken. All actions are charged; no good deed goes without a reaction to further the evolution of the good and no selfish deed does not go without creating a tendency to further degeneration. We are always free to choose our destinies. This wisdom told me never to fear and as long as one is pure one is protected by providence. I was taken into breathless silence beyond all laws which govern the little dramas of action and reaction in time and space and evil never penetrated my tantric base.
Gentleness returns. Now Tao has carried me south, flowing with gentle rivers and into green mountains. Without the weight of terror, I fear this game of love will end and I will remain in breathless silence. Resisting the timeless current into union I only ask to be bound with love to all creation. Every friendly face I remember is an angel sent to remind me that the eternal Friend has always accompanied me. Friend who is in all, bid me stay here just a little longer. Let the wind always be at my back, but not too strong for this inebriating lightness soars all too rapidly toward our infinite abode. There, all is blissful union but there are no rivers and green mountains to explore, no breath to savor nor friendly faces to adore.